7 Ways to Keep God in the Center of Your Marriage

Thoughtful Thursday

Again this morning, I asked God to give me the words to write that someone out there may need to hear. He gave me this thought..."write about keeping Me in the center of marriage." It is amazing how the Holy Spirit works to allow God to speak to us in this way. My best thoughts come from ideas that the Holy Spirit has laid on my heart. Now, I am only a year and a half into this marriage thing, so I know that there are couples out there that could write circles around me on this topic. If you are someone that has experience and wisdom when it comes to keeping God in the center of marriage, please leave a comment letting us know what works for you.

My husband and I have started doing devotions together through the YouVersion Bible app. This has been great because we usually do them at night after the kids have gone to bed. Typically, this is now a time when he is at work. So, when he gets a free minute at work, he does it on his phone and I do it on mine and we are able to make comments and have discussions about the devotional through the app. One of the devotions this week spoke of a powerful illustration that demonstrated the importance of keeping God in the center of marriage and relationships. It said to imagine your relationship as a circle with God in the center of it. You and your spouse are two points on the circle itself. These points could be right next to one another or on opposite sides of the circle. If you draw a line from each point to God in the center of the circle, you will notice that as the points would move closer to God in the center, they would move closer to one another. I have drawn this out below for us more visual learners.

This really got me thinking about how I keep God in the center of my marriage and what more I could do. Through this thinking, I realized that the times when I feel the furthest from my husband, when arguments begin to arise more often, when we just feel at odds with one another are times when we have been slacking a bit in keeping God in the center of our marriage. There are times, as couples, that we do this better than other times. These would be times when we are each stressed out and exhausted from all of life's many demands. However, what if we could actually do a better job at keeping God in the center when these stressful, exhausting times happen? I think that is what God really wants us to do. He is our rock and wants us to rely on Him in all circumstances, especially the tough ones because that is where we see His faithfulness and love the most. 

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Ecclesiastes 4:12

I didn't feel like I could write on this topic without giving some practical ideas of how to accomplish this. I have pulled some of my own ideas together with ideas that I have heard from others to give you this list. However, if you have a great idea not on the list, please leave it in the comments. I would love to add it. My prayer for you today is that you would individually seek God and draw near to Him and by doing so, you would drawn nearer to your spouse as well.

7 Ways to Keep God in the Center of Your Marriage

1. Put God First

For many, this may seem pretty obvious, but when we really think about it we realize we are coming up short. Do you really put God first in your life? Do you put God's desires above your own? Do you put God before your kids? Before your spouse? At the very beginning of my marriage, I would have to admit that the answer to these questions was "no". I gave up a lot of time that I should have been spending with God to do the wifely things that I thought I was supposed to do. I put my husband first above God. Although, this worked for a while it did not last. Soon, we were at odds with one another and I felt completely unfulfilled and felt like there was a hole in my heart. Because there was. I was at war with myself on the inside. I knew that something had to change. I had to make the decision personally to put God first. I began to get up extra early each morning to spend quiet, alone time with God. I made the decision to go to church even when nobody could go with me. I  resolved that I needed to be more faithful to God because He had always been faithful to me. The thing is I had to make the decision to do all of this for myself. I could not make this decision for my husband. He had to make his own decision on this matter. However, as I began to do these small things to put God first in my own life, I began to see how, slowly, my husband was doing the same thing. Through this, we have grown closer. This is still a work in progress for both of us.

2. Pray Together

This is one of my favorite things to do with my husband. Not only do we pray together with the rest of the family each night at the dinner table, but he and I pray together. There have been times when he or I have woken each other up in the middle of the night, because something was bothering one of us, to pray together over whatever it was. This is so powerful. I think if someone asked me what I loved most about my husband, I would have to say that he prays. I love listening to him pray and connecting with God in that way. Praying together is something that reminds us that we are on the same team and there is no need to be at odds with one another. It just isn't worth it. If for some reason your spouse won't pray with you, try praying for him or her first. I pray for my husband all the time. Each morning, I mention him in my quiet time prayers and whenever I know he is going through something really tough, I pray for him as often as I can. God can do amazing things when we ask Him to. Sometimes, He wants us to realize that we need Him and that we need to come to Him first before He works these miracles.

3. Read the Bible Together

This could be in the form of a devotion or just reading the Bible. My husband and I have done both. As mentioned above, we have started doing a devotion together each day on the Bible app. However, we have at times just started a book of the Bible and read a little bit together each day. This brings up great points of discussion that can really make you feel closer to God and your spouse at the same time. Don't just read, think about what you are reading and what God may be trying to tell you and your spouse. If you think of something that is helpful, bring it up and start the discussion.

4. Go to Church Together

Because of my husband's work schedule, we don't get to do this as regularly as I would like. However, when we do get the opportunity to go to church together, it is incredible the oneness that I feel with him. I think this is important because not only are you a part of your own marriage, but you are also a part of the marriage between the Church and Christ. Many churches offer opportunities to serve God with your spouse and opportunities to learn and grow biblically within your marriage. There are many ways that attending church can benefit your marriage, I could write a whole post about that. However, we need to remember that we are called to be active members of the church not just seeking ways the church can serve us but also how we can serve the church.

5. Talk about God Together

One of my fondest memories with my husband revolved around this idea. One night, we literally stayed up almost all night talking about God. We had a friendly debate about what we believed and what we thought parts of the Bible really meant. This discussion revealed so much about us. It occurred to me that my husband really thinks about God and the Bible a lot even when he doesn't necessarily bring it up. He revealed to me that he admired my relationship with God and he thought it was awesome how close I was to God. This was the greatest compliment that I had ever received. This compliment also came at a time when I didn't feel super close to God. So, to know that my husband saw that and admired it was huge for me. It made me realize that maybe I had been a little hard on myself lately and that if my husband saw me in that way than God saw me and loved me even more. Talking about God can help you and your spouse learn more about one another and in that way you are spending quality time with God and with your spouse.

6. Be Selfless

This is the hardest of the seven for me to do. I tend to be a very selfish  person. I get frustrated and upset when I have to do something for my husband that he is very capable of doing himself (in my own eyes) or when my plans get cancelled because he wants to do something else. This kind of thinking can be very harmful to a marriage and typically only leads to arguments and feelings of division. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." This was the verse that was read at our wedding and I know why. It wasn't read because we already had this down and it was a description of our love. It was read because this is what we needed to work on. This was the goal. This is what God intended our love to become.  Being angry is a selfish thing. Instead of immediately getting angry at my husband for something, I realize that I need to seek out why he did what he did or why he said what he said. There is always a reason behind what someone does or says. I need to seek his needs and desires above my own. How powerful, how loving could our marriage become if we both do that. Being selfless puts God in the center of your marriage, because He commands us to be selfless. Following His commands brings honor to Him and keeps Him first and in the center.

7. Slow Down

Lastly, we need to slow down to keep God in the center of marriage. If we take the time to slow down and see all that God is doing around us, we not only will feel closer to God, but we will feel closer and more thankful for our spouses. Wherever you are whatever you are doing right now, stop. Look around. If you are there with your spouse, look at him or her. Really look. Think to yourself...What do you love about this person? How thankful are you to God for bringing this person into your life? What can you do to bring a smile to that person's face today? How far have you and this person come in your relationship? Ask yourself these questions and I can guarantee you will begin to feel more connected to the Father and to your spouse. Say a silent prayer in your head, thanking God for that person and asking God to show you how to love your spouse better. You can do all this without every speaking a word.

Rejoice in the truth of Christ in your marriage today!