Let Go and Let God

Aunt-Mom Monday

This morning I was searching for what I wanted to say about being an aunt-mom. There are so many wonderful, sad, stressful, rewarding things I could say. As I was spending my quiet time with God, I asked Him what it was that He wanted me to say. I asked what it was that those reading would need to hear. I asked Him to let my words be His words. So, this is what has been laid on my heart to share with you this morning. This is probably a lesson meant more for me than for you, but I hope it resonates with you as much as it did for me. We are in this together.

This past year has been a rollercoaster. From watching my two sweet nieces go through all that they have gone through in their short lives to getting the call that we needed to pick them up to finally get them out of the situation they were in, so many emotions have been present. Some I had never even felt before, because I had never been in a parenting role quite like this before. Yes, we have had A for almost 2 years, but parenting him by himself has been very different than parenting all three.

These kids depend on me for everything. They look to me for their food, water, clothes, baths...all of their basic physical needs. They look to me for comforting hugs and kisses for their boo-boos, bedtime stories and constant whisperings of "I love you." Because of this it has become easy for me to think that I am the center of their universe, that I am in control of their lives, that I am all they need. This is simply not true.

When I'm sitting beside my husband waiting to go before the judge to hear what changes will be made to our situation, I am reminded that I'm not in control. When I hear for the umpteenth time from A's teacher that he has said or done something unkind or inappropriate at school, I am reminded that I'm not in control. When H says that her mommy is "out there somewhere," I am reminded that I am not in control. When K asks for the hundredth time that day if Bubby has school tomorrow because she can't stand to be alone in the morning when she wakes up, I am reminded that I am not in control. When I have worked all day and come home to take care of the kids, try to clean the house, and try to get at least a few minutes to myself before I lose my sanity, but then forget to do that one thing that my  husband had asked me to do, I am reminded that I am not in control. But God is.

At first, realizing that I wasn't in control was kind of a scary thing to me. I liked thinking that being in control meant that if I did all the things I was supposed to do, then only good things would happen. However, when stressful and unpleasant things started happening in spite of how hard I worked to do what I was supposed to do, I began to feel like a failure. I started to feel down on myself. I started to feel like I wasn't good enough. How thankful I am that I am not in control! How thankful I am that God, the creator of the universe, is in control of my life and the lives of each person in my family! I am so thankful that I am not responsible for being in control of my own life or the lives of these three precious children, because I would fail every time.

These children belong to Him and I know without a doubt that He is good. He has a good plan for them. He loves them even more than I could ever possibly love them. I am just a servant. I am a servant to Him and I am a servant to them. I will do the best that I can in raising and caring for them for as long as His will dictates, but He is in control. They are His children. The future for them is still pretty unsure, but I know as long as I give up control to Him, all things will work together for His good. Teaching them to follow Him, to love Him, to obey Him, that is what is most important right now. That is my focus. I don't know how long I have with them, but no matter the future as long as they have Him, I know they will be okay. So it is with freeing pleasure that I give up that control. I am letting go and letting God do what He knows is best whether I can see that or not. I trust Him.